Originally published on September 13, 2010 in our free BigLaw newsletter.
Last week, the legal tabloid site Above the Law reprinted a column that originated on Sweet Hot Justice entitled Does This Law Degree Make My Ass Look Fat? The column made the rounds in various online coffee klatches populated by female lawyers, prefaced by explanatory notes such as, "This author vocalizes something that I and many of my female contemporaries have experienced," and "OMG, this is SO true," and "Duh."A Romantic Hobson's Choice?
The premise of the Sweet Hot Justice column is as follows (and here I paraphrase):
You're a single guy in your late twenties or early thirties, and you can choose to date one of two female candidates:
The first is Woman A, an attractive 28-year-old with a modest employment history (translation: series of lackluster receptionist jobs), little (or no) career ambition, and an, um, "understated" intellect.
The second, Woman B, is an attractive, financially secure biglaw associate who is also smart, funny, and runs a successful cupcake cartel in her free time.
Faced with these options, posits the column's author, Legal Tease, the average guy will go with Choice A. "Why?" "Because, if the status quo in my firm … and in my life … and in my friends' lives … and in any bar from New York to L.A. is any indication, a law degree confers about as much romantic value to a single woman as a meth habit and a hidden penis."
Has Sweet Hot Justice Laid Down the Law on This Issue?
Have years — even generations — of struggling for gender equality in the workplace led us here — to a romantically barren wasteland? Is it possible that Woman B's cupcake-making is indicative not of her entrepreneurial spirit, but of the free time she has because she can't get a date? If the anecdotal evidence is to be believed, the answer is a simple "Yes."
Sadly, report a number of female associates, the trailblazers to whom we owe our professional opportunities may have set the bar too high — at least for most men to sidle up to and buy us a drink. "Let's face it," says Dawn, a senior associate at a New York law firm, "everyone knows that you can't survive in the law firm world without being fairly aggressive, or at least tough enough to handle the brutal hours, the unpredictable schedule, and the daily battles with adversaries. I think men assume that women who are comfortable in that world are not dating material."
But why? Why aren't fortitude, ambition, and guile more appealing traits than, say, a penchant for shopping, scrapbooking, Farmville, or spending a precious (and potentially billable) hour blow-drying your hair to get prettied up for a suitor? Because, explains Suzanne (also a biglaw associate), men seem to equate these qualities with a tendency to be combative. "Strike that," she adds (with admirable attention to protecting the record). "They hear "litigator" and think "bitch." That's why, when I meet men, I initially tell them that I "work at a law firm." Sooner or later, the truth must prevail, but I don't want to scare them off right away."
Some women noted that (what one litigator referred to as) the "Dating Kryptonite" issue has caused a schism to develop within the ranks of female lawyers within the firm. "Women in law firms have been fighting to balance work and family life, and many firms — including my own — are finally starting to take the needs of working mothers seriously," reports one associate.
"But cast aside in the whole debate are the needs of single women — without the perceived legitimacy of a husband or children, our non-work needs, and lives, are viewed as non-existent, or inconsequential. Everyone assumes that I am available any time, be it a weekend, late night, or holiday, because I'm not married and I don't have kids. Sometimes that's true, and given how many hours I bill, it will probably continue to be true. I don't know whether to be happy for the women who are sitting at home with their kids, or resentful that they leave early while I eat wilted salad at my desk at 9 PM."
The Rise of the Litigatrix
A number of the women I heard from were saddened by the dichotomy between increasing parity in the workplace, on one hand, and a simultaneous plunge in their dating stock. "I place a lot of blame on the way female lawyers are depicted in pop culture," says Kim, a smart, attractive, and inexplicably single associate. "Ally McBeal was an appealing character, but things have gone downhill from there," she wrote in an email. "She was non-threatening — she wore inappropriately short skirts and was totally insecure. I'm sure a lot of guys would have loved to review her briefs."
In recent years, however, the female lawyers portrayed in movies and on TV have grown increasingly bitchy, morphing into what Above the Law's Managing Editor David Lat has described as, "the Litigatrix."
"On the plus side," writes Lat, the Litigatrix is supremely confident and competent. The Litigatrix is very good at her job, and she knows it. Above all, she's strong-willed and tough — a woman making her way in a man's world." But, he warns, "[l]et's not mince words: the Litigatrix is a bitch. She didn't excel in litigation's testosterone-soaked precincts by playing nice."
But wait: there's more. In addition to the pervasive image problem, says associate Dawn, the average female lawyer "lives like a nun, with one critical difference." That difference? "You know how nuns are the brides of Christ?" she explains. "Well, I am the bride of the billable hour. I've been on the verge of going to trial for five months now," she continues. "It keeps getting adjourned, but I have no free time. I meet men, we hit it off, and things are great until they get wind of the fact that I have a very, very heavy workload. The limitations on my time are one issue, but the other issue is control: they have to defer to my schedule, and I think that's a problem in terms of gender dynamics."
Just Desserts?
So, what might help ease the dating drought of the biglaw female lawyer? Where are the men who will welcome a woman who brings home the bacon, but eats it at 11:00 at night with a side of ice cream? Comedian Tiny Fey has one great idea — the Brownie Husband. I'll have time to think of a few more later, when I get home. Not surprisingly, I don't have a date tonight.
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